Write On!

By Kellie Underhill

Whether you write for business or pleasure, you can improve your skill. This month’s tip:

I Would if I Could

I would like to thank you for choosing to read Bread ‘n Molasses. I would like to thank you — but I’m not actually going to do it. I prefer to keep you guessing. Maybe I really want to thank you, but maybe I don’t. Let me think about it and get back to you.

Everyday I read email, proposals and other documents filled with ‘woulds’ and ‘coulds.’ Consider the following example:

“I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for considering XYZ Management Services. If you decide to choose us we would be honoured to do business with you. We would provide a superior service and excellent staff. If for any reason you were unsatisfied, we would allow you to opt out whenever you wished. We could give you office space and administrative support. This would cost you very little . . .”

By using ‘woulds’ and ‘coulds’ it makes the company sound wishy-washy and not confident. Here’s a more confident way to say the same thing:

“Thank you for considering XYZ Management Services. We look forward to doing business with you. XYZ offers superior service, excellent staff and a customer satisfaction guarantee. At any time, you can opt out of your contract if you’re not satisfied with our work. If you require office space and administrative support we can also provide it at a very reasonable cost . . .”

So, the next time you start to put ‘would’ or ‘could’ in a sentence, consider whether you really mean to say you ‘will’ and ‘can’.