Write On!

Tip #8

By Kellie Underhill

Whether you want to write for fun or you need to write for business, writing is a skill you can learn to do better. This month’s tip:

Seems almost as if it might make some sense.

Well, that’s a pretty wishy-washy sentence, isn’t it? Don’t you think it’s more likely it either makes sense or it doesn’t?

Anytime you find yourself using words like seems, might and almost as if, ask yourself if you’ve fallen into an imprecise writing rut.

Is there a more solid word you could use or a more descriptive passage?

Consider the following sentence:

“It seems like it might snow.”

Here we have the phrase ‘seems like’ and the word ‘might’ that contribute to the vagueness of this thought. If we used one or the other, the sentence becomes more precise:

“It might snow,” is a direct and precise thought.

“It seems like snow,” is more precise than the original ‘seems like it might’ sentence but still rather vague.

Whenever the phrase ‘seems like’ is used it usually begs the question — How? Therefore, you can improve the sentence and make it more precise by simply answering the how question. How does it seem like snow? 

From the look of the sky, it will snow.

Another way to improve upon wishy-washy-ness in the sentence and make it more precise is to be more descriptive — Storm clouds heavy with the promise of snow line the winter sky in an icy grey sheet.

To summarize:

It seems like it might snow = vague and wishy-washy.

It seems like snow = more precise but still vague.

It might snow = a direct and precise thought.

From the look of the sky, it will snow = very precise answer to how it seems like snow.

Storm clouds heavy with the promise of snow line the winter sky in an icy grey sheet = descriptive and precise.

Another imprecise and wishy-washy phrase that turns up in writing is “almost as if.”

Consider this example: 

“The woman seemed almost as if she was dying from starvation.” This example not only uses the vague “almost as if” phrase but it also uses the imprecise “seemed.”

The easiest way to make this thought clearer and less vague is to simply say, “The woman looked like she was dying from starvation.”

Or you may want to go the precise factual route, “The woman stood five foot eleven and weighed 98 pounds.”

Depending on the circumstances, it may be even better to use description to show how she looks like she’s starving to death. “The woman trembled unable to stand without holding onto something. Razor sharp bones protruded piercing her thin skin. Her eyes bulged and bobbed in hollow blackened sockets.”

There is really nothing technically wrong with using any of these vague words and phrases. Grammatically, the sentences are fine. But to truly improve and grow as a writer you must always look beyond the mere technicalities of spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Some vagueness may even be desirable in your work, but if almost all your sentences are imprecise then you have a definite problem.

Until next month, write on!